Didn’t anyone ever tell you?

Didn’t anyone ever tell you that we’re not shooting stars because we’re beautiful, but because we crash and burn?
Or that words don’t matter half as much as their intent does?
Haven’t you ever asked yourself why you let go of all the things that make you happy because you insist on doing all the things that are supposed to be good for you?
Haven’t you had moments like that,
Like the time you stood on the broken doorstep and watched your mum leave for work after a heated argument, when you wanted to say sorry because she mattered and no one else did, and no one else ever would, not to that degree, and in the instant that your realized this, you wanted nothing more than to run to her and bury your face in her neck but instead, you were far too proud to apologize, to tell her, far too selfish, far too nasty, far too much, and you just Couldn’t…
Or the time you stood in the rain in the garden and watched the boy you loved leaning in to kiss you, and his eyes were diamonds and you wanted to feel their brilliance burning inside your head, but you felt it was too soon, so you stopped him from working his magic, pushed him away, and then the moment passed, time was an identifiable entity and you couldn’t smell his breath over the smell of the wet soil beneath your feet, you knew you wanted it, but it just wasn’t right and it would mean something, and you just Couldn’t…
Or the time you rolled up the windows of your car while the little girl outside stood with bright red roses and a million dollar smile, and when the signal changed to green, all you could think of was how her eyes were the brightest things you’d ever seen and the air-conditioned thing you were sitting in was nothing but a metal shell, but you couldn’t encourage begging, it was wrong and it would be crazy to indulge it and it was far too late and you just Couldn’t…
Oh, haven’t you had moments like that, when you knew you were failing, knew you were falling, but took the safety net at the bottom for granted?
Because guess what, you’ve been lucky so far. Your mother loves you still, and is around to tuck you into bed each night and plant a kiss on your forehead.
That boy you loved, he somehow stuck around, and he won’t hesitate to kiss you senseless each time you ask for it.
The girl at the signal will be there tomorrow as well, and buying a bunch of roses (at half price) will somehow validate and cancel out your callousness in your own head, and all will be well in your world again.
Didn’t anyone ever tell you that luck runs out in time? That it doesn’t hurt to apologize, that it’s not as scary as they make it out to be to tell the people you love that they matter, that making a street kid smile on one day will fuel your fire for weeks on end?
Someone wise once said that the things that are worth fighting for aren’t easy. But what a twisted place this world is, for us to have assumed that the things that are easy are not worth fighting for.
I’m sure everyone’s told you to do what makes you happy.
But didn’t anyone ever tell you not to make apologies about it?

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by Tanvi Deshmukh

Photography – Mavni

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